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仅做 整合 / 美化 处理
Hi. I'm here to talk to you about the importance of
嗨。我在这里要和大家谈谈
praise, admiration and thank you,
向别人表达赞美，倾佩和谢意的重要性。
and having it be specific and genuine.
并使它们听来真诚，具体。
And the way I got interested in this was,
之所以我对此感兴趣
I noticed in myself, when I was growing up,
是因为我从我自己的成长中注意到
and until about a few years ago,
几年前，
that I would want to say thank you to someone,
当我想要对某个人说声谢谢时，
I would want to praise them,
当我想要赞美他们时，
I would want to take in their praise of me
当我想接受他们对我的赞扬，
and I'd just stop it.
但我却没有说出口。
And I asked myself, why?
我问我自己，这是为什么？
I felt shy, I felt embarrassed.
我感到害羞，我感到尴尬。
And then my question became,
接着我产生了一个问题
am I the only one who does this?
难道我是唯一一个这么做的人吗？
So, I decided to investigate.
所以我决定做些探究。
I'm fortunate enough to work in the rehab facility,
我非常幸运的在一家康复中心工作，
so I get to see people who are facing life and death with addiction.
所以我可以看到那些因为上瘾而面临生与死的人。
And sometimes it comes down to something as simple as,
有时候这一切可以非常简单地归结为，
their core wound is their father died without ever saying he's proud of them.
他们最核心的创伤来自于他们父亲到死都未说过“他为他们而自豪”。
But then, they hear from all the family and friends
但他们从所有其它家庭或朋友那里得知
that the father told everybody else that he was proud of him,
他的父亲告诉其他人为他感到自豪，
but he never told the son.
但这个父亲从没告诉过他儿子。
It's because he didn't know that his son needed to hear it.
因为他不知道他的儿子需要听到这一切。
So my question is, why don't we ask for the things that we need?
因此我的问题是，为什么我们不索求我们需要的东西呢？
I know a gentleman, married for 25 years,
我认识一个结婚25年的男士
who's longing to hear his wife say,
渴望听到他妻子说，
"Thank you for being the breadwinner, so I can stay home with the kids,"
“感谢你为这个家在外赚钱，这样我才能在家陪伴着孩子，”
but won't ask.
但他从来不去问。
I know a woman who's good at this.
我认识一个精于此道的女士。
She, once a week, meets with her husband and says,
每周一次，她见到丈夫后会说，
"I'd really like you to thank me for all these things I did in the house and with the kids."
“我真的希望你为我对这个家和孩子们付出的努力而感谢我。”
And he goes, "Oh, this is great, this is great."
他会应和到“哦，真是太棒了，真是太棒了。”
And praise really does have to be genuine,
赞扬别人一定要真诚，
but she takes responsibility for that.
但她对赞美承担了责任。
And a friend of mine, April, who I've had since kindergarten,
一个从我上幼儿园就一直是朋友的叫April的人，
she thanks her children for doing their chores.
她会感谢她的孩子们做了家务。
And she said, "Why wouldn't I thank it, even though they're supposed to do it?"
她说：“为什么我不表示感谢呢，即使他们本来就要做那些事情？”
So, the question is, why was I blocking it?
因次我的问题是，为什么我不说呢？
Why were other people blocking it?
为什么其它人不说呢？
Why can I say, "I'll take my steak medium rare,
为什么我能说：“我要一块中等厚度的牛排，
I need size six shoes," but I won't say,
我需要6号尺寸的鞋子，”
"Would you praise me this way?"
但我却不能说：“你可以赞扬我吗？”
And it's because I'm giving you critical data about me.
因为这会使我把我的重要信息与你分享。
I'm telling you where I'm insecure.
会让我告诉了你我内心的不安。
I'm telling you where I need your help.
会让你认为我需要你的帮助。
And I'm treating you, my inner circle,
虽然你是我最贴心的人，
like you're the enemy.
我却把你当作是敌人。
Because what can you do with that data?
你会用我托付给你的重要信息做些什么呢？
You could neglect me.
你可以忽视我。
You could abuse it.
你可以滥用它。
Or you could actually meet my need.
或者你可以满足我的要求。
And I took my bike into the bike store-- I love this --
我把我的自行车拿到车行－－我喜欢这么做－－
same bike, and they'd do something called "truing" the wheels.
同样的自行车，他们会对车轮做整形。
The guy said, "You know, when you true the wheels,
那里的人说：“当你对车轮做整形时，
it's going to make the bike so much better."
它会使自行车变成更好。”
I get the same bike back,
我把这辆自行车拿回来，
and they've taken all the little warps out of those same wheels
他们把有小小弯曲的铁丝从轮子上拿走
I've had for two and a half years, and my bike is like new.
这辆车我用了2年半，现在还像新的一样。
So, I'm going to challenge all of you.
所以我要问在场的所有人，
I want you to true your wheels:
我希望你们把你们的车轮整形一下：
be honest about the praise that you need to hear.
真诚面对对你们想听到的赞美。
What do you need to hear? Go home to your wife --
你们想听到什么呢？
go ask her, what does she need?
回家问问你们的妻子，她想听到什么？
Go home to your husband -- what does he need?
回家问问你们的丈夫，他想听到什么？
Go home and ask those questions, and then help the people around you.
回家问问这些问题，并帮助身边的人实现它们。
And it's simple.
非常简单。
And why should we care about this?
为什么要关心这个呢？
We talk about world peace.
我们谈论世界和平。
How can we have world peace with different cultures, different languages?
我们怎么用不同的文化，不同的语言来保持世界和平？
I think it starts household by household, under the same roof.
我想要从每个小家庭开始。
So, let's make it right in our own backyard.
所以让我们在家里就把这件事情做好。
And I want to thank all of you in the audience
我想要感谢所有在这里的人们
for being great husbands, great mothers,
因为你们是好丈夫，好母亲，
friends, daughters, sons.
好伙伴，好女儿和好儿子。
And maybe somebody's never said that to you,
或许有些人从没跟你们说过
but you've done a really, really good job.
但你们已经做得非常非常得出色了。
And thank you for being here, just showing up
感谢你们来到这里，
and changing the world with your ideas.
向世界显示着你们的智慧，并用它们改变着世界。
Thank you.
谢谢。
(Applause)
（鼓掌）