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仅做 整合 / 美化 处理
Shah Rukh Khan: "A girl should be seen, not heard."
沙鲁克·汗： “女子无才便是德”，
"Be quiet," or, "chup."
“安静”， “不要多嘴"，
These words are often used to silence girls right from childhood,
这些句子从小到大就用来
well into adulthood
束缚女性，
and deep into old age.
一直到晚年。
I'm proud to introduce our next speaker, a true champion of the female voice,
我很荣幸介绍下一位演讲者， 她是一位女性发声的真正捍卫者，
an advisor on poverty,
一位帮助世界银行、联合国，
gender and development for the World Bank,
还有一些印度以及全世界 非政府组织的
United Nations and several NGOs in India and the world over.
关于贫困，性别和发展的顾问。
She calls herself a cultural detective.
她称自己为一名文化侦探。
Let's raise our voices to welcome renowned social scientist and author
让我们用热烈的掌声欢迎 著名社会科学家和作家
Deepa Narayan.
迪帕·纳拉扬。
(Music)
（音乐）
(Applause)
（掌声）
Deepa Narayan: The goal of every loving parent
迪帕·纳拉扬： 每一位爱孩子的父母的目标
is to raise good girls,
就是抚养一个好女孩，
but what parents actually do
但是父母们往往做的
is to constrain, confine and crush their girls.
却是束缚、局限、压制他们的女儿。
So as they crush their girls,
当压制自己的女儿们时，
they prepare them for abuse.
他们其实正在为她们 将来的忍气吞声埋下的隐患。
This would be so devastating
这个现实太残酷，
that no parent would be able to bear it,
没有父母愿意接受，
so it's disguised.
所以它被伪装了起来。
In India, we call this "adjusting."
在印度，这叫做“适应”。
I'm sure you've heard the word.
我相信你们肯定听说过这个词。
"Darling, just adjust a bit.
“亲爱的，适应了就习惯了。”
Just adjust.
“只是适应而已。”
No matter what happens, just adjust."
“不管发生什么事情， 只要适应了就好。”
"Adjust" trains girls to be powerless,
“适应”让女子变得无力，
not to exist, not to be seen,
不存在，不被关注，
not to have a self,
没有自我，
and it trains boys to claim power and authority over the world.
而这也锻炼男孩去争取 世界上的权利和地位。
And in the meantime we keep talking about gender equality and women's empowerment.
与此同时，我们一直在讨论 性别平等和女性赋权。
After 2012, after the gang rape in a moving bus in Delhi,
2012 年后， 在德里大巴轮奸事件后，
I really wanted to understand the roots of abuse.
我想去真正地理解 这种虐待的根源。
So I started asking a very simple question:
于是我开始问一个很简单的问题：
what does it mean to you to be a good woman or a good man today?
对你而言，在当代世界怎样做 才能算是一个好女人，好男人？
And I was so surprised by what I heard,
我对自己听到的答案感到很惊讶，
the answers particularly that young people gave,
尤其是年轻人给出的答案，
that the project became a research project and it took over my life.
于是这个小课题变成了 一个我全身心投入的研究性项目，
For three years, I listened to over 600 women, men and children,
在 3 年中，我收集了 超过 600 名男女老少的答案，
educated, middle class,
包括受过教育的，中产阶级的，
and it led to 1,800 hours of listening
总计 1,800 小时的录音，
and 8,000 pages of notes,
和 8,000 页的笔记，
and it took another year to make sense of it.
又花了一年的时间分析内容。
Nowadays, we see well-dressed, educated women like many of you in this room,
在这个房间里坐着的 像你们一样衣冠楚楚且博学的女性，
all of you in this room, and myself,
你们所有人，还有我，
and we think the world has changed,
我们相信这个世界已经改变了，
but these external changes are extremely misleading,
但是这些外表上的变化 很容易误导我们，
because on the inside, we have not changed.
因为问题的本质一点都没有变。
So today, I'm not going to talk about poor people.
今天我要讲的不是穷人。
I'm going to talk only about the middle and upper classes,
我接下来要讲的是中上阶级的人，
because we are the ones most in denial.
因为我们是最否认这一点的人。
We are the ones who have said over and over again
我们一遍一遍地在说
that when women are educated,
当女性受过教育，
when they're employed
当她们进入职场，
and they earn incomes,
当她们养家糊口的时候，
they will be equal, empowered and free.
她们就会变得平等， 被赋权，且自由。
They're not.
但是并没有。
Why?
为什么？
From my research, I identify seven habits
从我的研究中， 我识别并总结了
that delete women,
让人们对女性
that make women disappear,
视而不见的七种习惯。
but these habits persist
但是这些习惯一直存在，
because they're so familiar to us
因为我们对它们太熟悉了，
and we've made them good and moral.
我们把它们看成好品德。
Why would you change or drop anything that's good and moral?
我们为什么要改变好习惯呢？
So, on the one hand, we love our children,
我们一边在爱自己的孩子，
we love our daughters,
爱护我们的女儿，
and on the other hand, we crush them.
但是也在一边压制她们。
Habit one: You don't have a body.
习惯一：你没有一个身体。
The first step to make a girl a ghost is to make her body disappear,
要让一个女孩感觉她不存在的 第一步就是让她的身体消失，
to pretend that she doesn't have a body.
假装她没有一个身体。
Akangsha, who is 23, said,
23 岁的 Akangsha 说，
"In my family, we never spoke about the body, never."
“在我的家里，我们从来 不谈论自己的身体，从来不。”
And it is in this silence
也就是在这样的死寂中，
that millions and millions of girls get sexually molested,
上百万的女孩受到性骚扰，
and they don't even tell their mothers.
而且她们甚至不会告诉她们的母亲。
And it's the negative comments from others
同时也是来自其他人的负面评论
that leads to 90 percent of women saying that they dislike their bodies.
让 90% 的女性说 她们嫌恶自己的身体。
When a girl rejects her body,
当一个女孩排斥自己的身体时，
she rejects her only house
她就是在排斥她唯一的“归宿”，
and invisibility and insecurity
于是隐形和不自信
become her very shaky foundation.
变成了她不稳定的基础。
Habit two: Be quiet. Chup.
习惯二：安静。不要说话。
If you're not supposed to exist
如果你不应该存在，
and you don't have a body,
也不拥有一个身体，
how can you have a voice?
那你怎会有声音呢？
So just about every woman said,
几乎所有的女性都说，
"When I was little, my mother used to scold me and say,
“我小时候，我妈妈经常责骂我：
'Don't speak, be quiet, be chup,
’不要说话，保持安静，
speak softly, don't argue and never answer back.
小声说话，不要争吵，不许顶嘴，
Jawab nahi Dena.'"
不要说话。’ ”
I'm sure you've all heard that.
你们肯定都听过。
And so girls become afraid, and they withdraw.
所以很多女孩变得胆小畏缩。
And they become quiet and they say,
她们变得低声细语，她们会说：
"Let it go. Jaane do.
“别管了，别计较了。
What's the point? Nobody listens."
争有什么用？没人会理我们。”
Educated women said
受过教育的女性说
that their number one problem
她们面临的最大问题
was their inability to speak up,
就是不敢畅所欲言，
as if there was a foot on their throat
如骨鲠在喉
ready to choke them.
难以启齿。
Silence slices off women.
沉默是女性的绊脚石。
Habit three: Be a people pleaser.
习惯三：讨好别人。
Please others.
讨好别人。
Everyone likes a nice woman who always smiles,
所有人都喜欢面带微笑的温柔女子，
who never says no, who is never angry,
从来不会说“不”，也从来不会生气，
even when she's being exploited.
即使被别人欺负也不会生气的女子。
Amisha, who is 18, said,
18 岁的 Amisha 说，
"My father said,
“我的父亲常说，
'If I don't see you smiling, I don't feel good.'"
‘如果我见你不笑，我就觉得别扭。’ ”
So she smiles.
于是她就强颜欢笑。
So her father is teaching her,
她的父亲正在教她——
my happiness is more important than your happiness.
别人的快乐比自己的快乐更重要。
And in this business of trying to make everyone happy all the time,
而在这种想方设法 让别人开心的环境中，
girls become afraid to make decisions.
女孩变得害怕做决断。
And when you ask them, they say,
当你问她们的时候，她们就说，
"Anything, whatever! Kuch bhi!
“无所谓，随你。
Everything goes. Chalta hai."
随便，我都行。”
Darsha, who is 25,
25 岁的 Darsha 说，
said with great pride,
非常自豪地说，
"I'm highly elastic.
“我非常百变圆滑。
I become whatever others want me to be."
我可以成为别人想让我成为的人。”
Such girls give up their dreams,
这样的女孩放弃她们的梦想，
their desires,
她们的追求，
and nobody even notices,
也没有人会注意到，
except for depression.
而这时，抑郁会降临。
It moves in.
开始侵蚀女性。
Another slice of a girl is taken off.
又一部分女孩被祸害了。
Habit four: You have no sexuality.
习惯四：你没有性欲。
I think you'd all agree that with a population of over 1.3 billion,
你们应该都知道 超过 13 亿人口的印度
sex is not new to India.
对性都不陌生。
What is new is that more people now acknowledge
现在越来越多的人开始认识到
that women, too, have a right to sexual desire.
女性也有性欲权利。
But how can a woman who has not been allowed to own her body,
但是如果一个女人 无法拥有自己的身体，
who hasn't been educated about her body,
不了解自己的身体，
who may have been sexually molested,
还有可能受过性侵，
who cannot say no
她不会说“不”，
and who has been filled with shame,
又带着羞耻感，
how can she claim her sexual desire?
她如何表达自己的性欲？
A woman's sexuality is suppressed.
女性的性欲受到压制。
Habit five: Don't trust women.
习惯五：不要相信女性。
Imagine how the world would change
想象一下这个世界 会发生多大的变化
if women came together in solidarity,
一旦所有女性联手？
but as to make sure that this doesn't happen,
但是为了确保这不会发生，
our culture places high moral value
我们文化的价值观
on loyalty to men and family secrecy.
极其强调对男人和家庭隐秘的忠诚。
Woman after woman said,
许多女人说，
"I know only one trustworthy woman,
“我只认识一个可靠的女人，
and that's me."
那就是我自己。”
Even Ruchi, who is 30
30 岁的 Ruchi ，
and who works on women's empowerment at Delhi University, said,
她在德里大学研究赋权女性， 可连她都说，
"I don't trust women. They're jealous and they backbite."
“我不相信其他女性， 她们都是嫉妒别人的两面派。”
Obviously, then, in cities,
之后显然，在城市中，
women don't join women's groups,
女性不会加入女性群体，
and when you ask them why, they say, "We don't have time for gossip."
当你问她们为什么的时候， 她们就说：“我们没时间去八卦。”
It's much easier to demolish a woman who is alone.
打败一个孤身的女子 可就容易多了。
Habit six: Duty over desire.
习惯六：职责大于欲望。
Muskan gave a very long definition of a good girl, and she's only 15.
年仅 15 岁的 Muskan 给出了 一个很长的”好姑娘“的诠释。
"She is kind, gentle, polite, loving,
”她必须善良、温柔、有礼、贤淑、
caring, truthful, obedient, respects elders,
关怀、诚实、温顺、敬重老人、
helps everyone unconditionally, and is good to others and fulfills duty."
无条件地帮助他人， 慈悲心肠，履行义务。”
Tiring, isn't it.
听上去很累，不是吗？
By the time you fulfill duty,
等你履行完职责后，
whatever little desire is left is also lost.
不论你还有多小的欲望留存， 也已因此消失殆尽了。
And when sacrificing mothers have nothing left to say
牺牲其一生的母亲们 也没有其他的话可说了，
except talk about food --
除了谈到饭食——
"Have you eaten? Khana kha liya? What will you eat?" --
“你吃过了吗？你想吃什么？”
men like Saurabh, who is 24, call them "boring."
24 岁的小伙子 Saurabh 说她们很“无趣”。
A woman becomes a residue.
女性变成了残渣。
Habit seven: Be totally dependent.
习惯七：完全依赖他人。
So all these habits collectively crush women,
所有这些习惯都压制着女性，
fill her with fear
让她充满恐惧，
and make her totally dependent on men for her survival,
让她为了生存而完全依靠男人，
and this allows the system of male power to continue.
这便允许了男权制度的延续。
So all these seven habits that we thought were good and moral
这些我们起初认为是 合乎正道的七个好习惯
snatch life away from girls
剥夺了女性的生命
and position men to abuse.
让男性肆意践踏。
We must change.
我们必须做出改变。
How do we change?
我们如何改变呢？
A habit is just a habit.
习惯只是一个习惯而已。
Every habit is a learned habit,
所有习惯都是学来的，
so we can unlearn them
所以我们也可以忘记它们，
and this personal change is extremely important.
这样的自我改变是十分重要的。
I had to change too.
我也必须改变。
But this doesn't change the system
但是这都无法改变这个
that crushes millions of other women.
压制无数女性的系统。
So we have to go to the roots.
所以我们要找到根源。
We must change what it means to be a good woman and a good man,
我们必须改变 “好女人和好男人”的定义，
because this a foundation of every society.
因为这是每一个社会的基础。
We don't need elastic women, we need elastic definitions,
我们不需要百变的女性， 我们需要百变的定义，
for men too,
对男人也是，
and this big societal change cannot happen without men's involvement.
这样巨大的社会观变化 离不开男人的参与。
We need you.
我们需要你们。
We need men to become champions of change,
我们需要男人加入我们的运动，
to develop strong change muscles.
来发扬壮大我们的运动。
Otherwise, it will be two more centuries
要不然，我们要再等两个世纪
before our girls, and our boys,
才能看到我们的儿女
are safe and free.
获得安全和自由。
Imagine half a billion women coming together, with the support of men,
试想一下，五亿女性团结在一起， 有着男性的支持，
to talk to one another for conversation, for change,
共同探讨，一起变化，
both personal and political,
改变自己，改变政见，
and imagine men in their own circles,
男人们也加入这个圈子，
and imagine women and men coming together to just listen to each other
女性和男性一起倾听对方，
without judgment, without blame,
没有偏见，没有责备，
without accusations and without shame.
没有怪罪，没有羞耻。
Imagine how much we would change.
想象一下我们能做出多少变化。
We can do this together.
我们可以一起实现这一切。
Women, don't adjust.
女性们，别再适应。
Men, adjust.
男性们，去适应。
It's time.
我们的时间到了。
Thank you.
谢谢。
(Applause)
（掌声）
SRK: How well said, how wonderful.
汗：说得好！
Everyone, Deepa, please.
再次把掌声给迪帕！
Listening to her, I realized
听完你的演讲，我发现
that even in the simplest conversations that we have with women,
即使和女性最普通的对话中，
we're actually being aggressive.
我们也经常气势汹汹。
For example, I do tell my daughter sometimes,
比方说，我有时确实会对我女儿说，
"Yaar Tu hasti hai to mujhe accha lagta hai varna bura lagta hai".
“如果你是我， 你会觉得开心还是不开心？”
So sorry, I would never do that.
抱歉，我以后再也不会了。
Aaj Se main meri beti ko yahi bolunga.
从今天起，我要对我的女儿说，
Whatever you're doing,
”无论你做什么，
mujhe accha hi lagta hai, aur accha nahi bhi lagta hai
都不是为了让我开心，
Toh mera kya, tum wohi karo jo tumhare ko lagta hai, right?
只要你觉得自己开心就好，对吗？”
(Applause)
（掌声）
How did you feel,
汗：您自己有何感想，
first listening to so many unfulfilled stories, desires,
听到那么多未实现的故事、理想，
lack of independence,
还有独立性缺失，
of girls that you normally would assume we think these girls are better off?
这些我们本以为是好姑娘的典范？
DN: Very depressed.
迪：感到非常抑郁。
It was shocking for me, and that's why I couldn't stop,
我觉得非常震惊， 所以我不能停下来，
because I had no plans to do a study and no plans to write a book.
因为我没有计划做一个调研， 也没有计划写书。
I'd written 17 books before, and I thought, "I'm done,"
我之前出版了17本书， 我对自己说：“我做完了。”
but when I went to St. Stephen's College
但是当我去圣斯蒂芬学院的时候，
and I heard, at most elite colleges you well know from Delhi,
我在德里的大多数高级学府中，
and the young women and the men,
这些年轻人
what they said about what it meant to them to be a woman and man
所说的什么是好女人，好男人
sounded not like me but like my mother's generation.
听上去不像是我， 而是像我的母亲那代人的看法。
So then I went to another college and another college.
所以我去了一个又一个学院。
The thing that was striking to me
让我最震惊的是
is that each woman felt she was alone,
每个女性都觉得她是孤独的，
that she hides her fear and hides her behavior,
她隐藏着自己的恐惧， 隐藏自己的行为，
because she thinks it's a personal fault.
因为她觉得自己是一个缺憾。
It's not a personal fault, it's training,
这不是一个缺憾，是后天导致的，
and I think that's the biggest revelation
而且我最大的发现是
is that, if we stop pretending,
如果我们不再伪装，
then the world changes.
那这个世界就会改变。
SRK: Do you girls all agree with what Deepa is saying?
汗：你们都同意迪帕的说法吗？
(Applause)
（掌声）
Already see that young girl saying,
已经看到有姑娘说，
"Heard, heard what she said? You say this to me."
“听到没，听到没？ 你要这样和我说话。”
Yeah, that's the way it should be.
对，就应该是这样。
You, boy, you adjust. We are not adjusting anymore, OK?
你们男性应该去适应， 我们不该再继续适应下去了。
(Applause)
（掌声）
Thank you so much. Have a good evening. Thank you.
非常感谢您！谢谢！
(Applause)
（掌声）